Morin talks about the goal of being a “self-actualizer.” This is a person who is comfortable with his or her self, is relatively free of the constriction of past conflicts, and who sees challenges as fostering growth with creative energy and fire. Self-actualizers have peak experiences more often than their counterparts, who may still have some self-trust and love to develop. By examining the sexual and emotional experiences and trends of your past, Morin shows how you can manipulate your “erotic equation,” the elements that tend to make you the most aroused, to seek out and execute more satisfying sexual encounters. For most, the basic equation looks like this: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement. Which of the following Obstacles might have an extra zing for you? Longing or anticipation, violating prohibitions, searching for power, teasing, fantasy, exuberance, satisfaction, closeness, anxiety, guilt, or anger? Morin also suggests that you can use what you discover about old wounds and conflicts, to heal emotional blocks and heighten excitation. Once you discover your Core Erotic Theme, whether it is something you already celebrate or if it’s a trigger you consider “bizarre” or “perverted,” Morin urges readers to find safe and consensual outlets that fit your needs so you can normalize your sexual experience, if it has been a source of shame for you, and so you can ultimately maximize your fulfillment.
“To discover your erotic potential you must be free to choose what is right for you…The key is to remain conscious of your actions and their consequences without becoming self-conscious, a state antithetical to emotional and sexual well-being…The ability to accept responsibility while enjoying freedom is a hallmark of psychological maturity…Erotically healthy people establish safe parameters within which to let themselves go.” Jack Morin